Welcome one and all to Macho Madness 4: The Front Man. For those who have participated in previous years, welcome back. For the newcomers, a brief explanation- Macho Madness was born in the Destination Dogs kitchen one Friday afternoon. A debate surrounding the Hollywood actor with the “most macho” resume led to the development of an NCAA style tournament, where a winner would be officially crowned. The following year, we put sidekicks to the test. Last year, we crowned the best fictional villain. This year, we determine the greatest musical front man of all time. It’s no small task. Here’s what to do: Check out the bracket. Read the "scouting assessments" we've written on the competitors. Drink a beer. Fill out your bracket, keeping in mind a couple different options. There are two ways to win. 1) Fill out your bracket and come closest to matching the official Macho Madness Master Copy. 2) Fill out a bracket and come closest to matching the people’s choice, a tallied consensus outcome gathered from all the entries. You can pick up a bracket at the bar, but keep in mind, you have to be present on the night of the event to claim your prize! So here is what you are deciding: most badass front man of all time. Consider the formula an equal mixture of talent, legacy, machismo, and attitude. As an added bonus, the good people at Brooklyn Brewery are sponsoring the madness, so on Monday night, April 2, 2018, we will be hosting a Brooklyn Brewery tap take over during the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship Game, and revealing the winner of Macho Madness 4. The two winners will receive gifts from Destination Dogs and Brooklyn Brewery. Ok, enough small talk. Here is your guide to the fourth annual bracket. Keep in mind, Macho Madness does not condone drug abuse or promiscuity but these topics just happen to be a reoccurring theme in this year’s tournament. If anything mentioned seems too vague, or slightly captivating, please feel free to use Google to your benefit. Enjoy!
Key Matchups in the 60’s-70’s Region
Robert Plant vs. Paul McCartney: a legendary show down as the two massive stars compare stories from being rock gods in the 60’s and living to tell about it. Plant may have a slight edge thanks to the mud shark story. Look it up.
Jim Morrison vs. Sly Stone: the two manage to stay out of prison long enough to stage an epic drug fueled battle, with Stone accusing Morrison of stealing his bead necklace. Morrison launches an indecipherable rant he tries to pass off as spoken word poetry.
Frank Sinatra vs. Tom Waits: the two argue incessantly over who looks better in a fedora, Sinatra gets the edge, as his fedora matches his suit and Waits simply found his in a dumpster backstage.
Bob Dylan vs. Roger Daltrey: Dylan is the original New York City hipster and the first man since the 1800’s to get laid while wearing a brimmed hat with a feather sticking out of it. The battle heats up as Dylan brags he introduced the Beatles to marijuana and Daltrey claims he penned the first rock opera.
Key Matchups in the 70’s-80’s Region
Freddy Mercury vs. Frank Zappa: Mercury attempts to blow Zappa- out of the water- as the first man to perfect the unironic mustache and to introduce being flamboyant in Ibiza.
Ozzy Osbourne vs. Gene Simmons: Before 50 Cent gave us his Magic Stick, Simmons was introducing the world to his Love Gun. Biting the heads off of bats and doves, snorting fire ants up his nose to impress his friends. No, not things an Eagles fan might have done after the Super Bowl, but simply Ozzy being Ozzy. Side note- Reality shows are worth negative points for those scoring at home. (See Brett Michaels)
Rod Stewart vs. Iggy Pop: one of these two men’s songs may feature during a mother/son dance at a wedding, while the other invented the stage dive. But what Rod may lack in musical edginess, he makes up for in legendary tales of debauchery and cold pill tampering. Either way, someone’s Mom is getting dipped.
Mick Jagger vs. Tom Jones: Jagger’s accomplishments include dating models, sleeping with David Bowie and becoming the first white guy to get drunk off of tequila. Tom Jones inspired the Carlton Dance and represents a small group of men who can successfully wear a turtleneck.
Key Matchups in the 80’s-90’s Region
Prince vs. Lionel Richie: It doesn’t matter where Lionel is dancing, or for how long. Prince is the only man in this tournament with a handle like Kyrie, the fashion sense of a Persian queen and the voice of an angel.
Brett Michaels vs. Steven Tyler: Steven Tyler slept with Todd Rundgren’s girlfriend and impregnated her with Liv Tyler. Thanks Steven! Brett Michaels gave us “Rock of Love”.
Axl Rose vs. Bon Jovi: After 11 beers at a family wedding, Bon Jovi songs start to actually sound good and Axl starts to seem like a cool dude.
Michael Jackson vs. Sammy Haggar: Sammy Haggar, smelling of nachos and cheap tequila, spouts off on some twisted tales of debauchery but Jacko butts in, and asks, “Do you remember the time I successfully teleported back to ancient Egypt and cuckolded a Pharaoh?”
Key Matchups in the 90’s-now Region
Anthony Kiedis vs. D’Angelo: Dubbed, the battle of the shirtless troubadours, this one goes into extra time. Kiedis holds a slight edge as a cast member of the greatest film ever made, Point Break, and as the youngest human to ever do a line off Cher’s bare ass.
Justin Timberlake vs. Usher: It’s a dance off! In one of the most charming matchups of all time, these slick handsome fucks battle to the wee hours of the morning, twisting and crooning, pearly whites shining, sweat glistening on their familiar brows, each graceful step leaving the on looking crowd yearning for more.
Jay-Z vs. Scott Weiland: Jay has the baddest chick in the game wearing his chain, owns fine art and rubs shoulders with the Obama’s. Weiland has fronted two of the most successful rock bands of the past twenty years and enjoys nodding off in antique rocking chairs.
Tupac Shakur vs. Thom Yorke: during a heated exchange, Thom Yorke admits to having been an accomplice in the Las Vegas shooting, only to realize he is in a deepened state of meditation and actually talking to the Tupac hologram from Coachella. ... See MoreSee Less
OK Ladies and Gents. It’s filming week! This Thursday! The crew will be filming guest and front of house service from 12:30pm to 4:30pm. As you know, seating is limited, and we would like everyone who wants to have his or her chance. Also, as a thank you to our Facebook followers and those that have supported us, if you liked, reposted, shared, etc. the original post on this topic, we will give you 25% off your tab during filming. Additionally, we’d love to see our guest show some Rutgers pride with a shirt or hat or something. In an effort to get everyone in and seated without it being crazy, we are going to take reservations for that filming period because we have a small number of tables downstair. The upstairs will be open on a first come, first serve basis. If you would like to set something up, email firstname.lastname@example.org with number of guests and a time, and we will try our best to accommodate you. Additionally in an effort to accommodate all, we are estimating a 2hr turn time on these reservations and we ask for your help with this. Once again, thank you all for your support through the years. ... See MoreSee Less
It brings us great pleasure to announce that Destination Dogs will be partnering with Jackie Mazza from Knead Baked Goods, to bring you our new concept. Fatto Americano will be coming to George St by the end of March 2018. We will be bringing you neapolitan pizza, meatballs, sandwiches, salads, desserts, wine, beer, booze and amaros. Help us spread the word! If you are interested in joining the team please email us at email@example.com ... See MoreSee Less
The Travel Channel Food Paradise filming will be March 1st. They tell us filming will take place all day. Get your smiling faces in here and show the audiences at home that you knew about us the whole time. Thanks again. ... See MoreSee Less